Choosing your happiness above all else.
We all claim to want happiness, but most of us are not willing to do what it takes to obtain and retain the happiness we seek. The thing about happiness is that it comes with a set of sacrifices that have a lot (if not everything) to do with letting go of something or someone.
We are an emotional species run amok by emotional hoarding, tip-toeing around mounds of kept things, trying not to bump into them, afraid of the avalanche that is sure to ensue. We are afraid of moving forward because the only thing we know is what has already gone, and everything ahead is a mystery. So, we stay stuck, and there is nothing about staying stuck that relates or equates to happiness.
To have all the things you’ve ever wanted, you’re going to have to give up all the things you never needed, the things you may have needed once upon a time, and everything that no longer serves you. Like all emotions, happiness is fleeting, fickle, and ever-changing, but it’s also an accurate indicator of what and who you need to keep around.
Take relationships, for instance. Do the people you spend time with make you happy? Sure, there are days when some of the people closest to you get on your last nerve, but on a deeper level, do they add to your overall happiness? If the answer is a resounding yes, keep them close. As for the people who constantly aggravate you, who always make you feel angry or sad, those who drain you, are always complaining or arguing with you — it’s time to let them go, and you’ve known this for a while.
Within this group, energy vampires (Swagpires), you may want to exclude a few people based on the nature of your relationship with them, or the things you may have been through with eachother over the years. However, relations and nostalgia are not good reasons to hold onto energy that makes you unhappy. Remember, put your oxygen mask on first!
There may be Swagpiers in your life who you haven’t known very long or Swagpiers you’ve grown apart from over the years. In either case, make a list of the people who drain your energy and make you unhappy, and then develop your exit strategy. Although ghosting often gets a bad rap, it does have its place in the purging of Swagpiers. This strategy is best utilized with the energy drainers you barely know. For these people, who aren’t a major part of your life, it may not be worth the energy it takes to tell them they are no longer welcome or enjoyed. In cases like this, blocking phone numbers, emails, and social media accounts is a no-hassle way of giving them a message without actually saying anything. Many times, since these Swagpiers were never a big part of your life in the first place, they won’t care much or even notice.
When creating boundaries for the Swagpiers closest to you, however, it’s important to be kind in the pursuit of your personal happiness. Whether by phone, email, or in person, make these boundaries more about you than about them. Communicate why it’s important for your emotional health and well-being to go within and be in contact less. Let them know you need more peace and me-time. Tell them you are separating from many people in your life and securing your self-care bubble, focusing on yourself and your personal needs. Leave the lines of communication open, but put boundaries around them. Give these Swagpires, whom you still love and care about, a special email address, or allow them to leave you messages once in a while, but make it clear that you will not be in constant contact from this point onward.
It’s okay to express why you are taking this step away without feeling guilty for doing so. You deserve to be happy and to seek that happiness in any way you choose. Besides, expressing your needs in this way can also be very helpful for your energy-zapping loved ones, allowing them a chance to self-examine and be more introspective, which could help change their perspective and interactions with you and others in the future.
Above all, setting boundaries for the people you love, but who may not be in alignment with your personal growth and journey, be clear and be kind, and then, without guilt, move boldly into your happiness.
