Being by yourself vs. being with yourself.
It is rare to see people alone. When we are out in the world, it is most common to find people communing with others over a meal, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or a beer. And those who aren’t paired with a person are usually on their way to, or just leaving, someone. Others are walking their dogs or strolling with their babies, but very rarely do we see people out in a social setting, not being social. If we look through the flocks of folks depending on each other for comfort and security while out in the world, we will find the few who clamor for neither. These are the ones comfortable in their own skin. These are the ones who know they are not by themselves, but instead, with themselves, and how important it is to be so.
It seems as if no one can stay home, as if most people have failed to create a home base that invites them in to stay and heal alone. I find it true, more often than not, that the reason most people have not designed their homes and lives in such a way that makes it comfortable for them to be alone is that they are terribly afraid of being left alone with their demons, traumas, flaws, shortcomings, shames, fears, and anxieties. Many are scared to look at themselves in the mirror — I mean, really look! They are terrified of being faced with their imperfections and with the decision to either love or hate them. Most people are disturbed by the low vibrational thoughts in their heads, and dread being left alone with them — the feelings of never being good enough, of being a failure, or the constant sadness generated by the longing for everything and everyone they have lost. Most people are afraid to be naked.
To begin to feel more comfortable when in solitude, practice saying you are with yourself, and not by yourself. This simple change in verbiage and mindset can alter the way you feel when taking time to enjoy and learn more about yourself. Then, instead of being with yourself only because you can’t find anyone to hang out with, purposefully schedule your alone time just as you would any important meeting. Make it a point to be with yourself often, and use that time to give yourself the love, care, reparation, and preparation no one else can.
It would also be advantageous to learn to love where you live! And that doesn’t just mean your house. Learn to love where you live in your mind and in your skin. Turn down invitations to go out or to have company, and instead, decide to spend that time acknowledging your hurts and finding ways to heal them. Read or listen to a good book, take an online course, watch documentaries on topics that interest you, or start planning that trip you’ve always wanted to take.
Love yourself enough to love being with yourself, and your need to find validation in the presence and opinions of others will dissipate. Remember, he who has the power to flatter you also has the power to shatter you. The more self-sufficient and self-soothing you are, the less reliant you become on others to make you feel whole.
