A key to healthy relationships.
Like many, I have been surrounded by dysfunction my entire life. Still, for decades, none of it ever felt strange because dysfunction had been normalized when I was a child. When most people picture dysfunction, they imagine sweeping waves of erratic behavior, but most dysfunction is quiet; it is unassuming and clever. It is invisible until met with healthy attachment styles and effective communication. When we grow accustomed to bickering and squabbling with loved ones and colleagues, each encounter chips away at our mental health and well-being, as well as our ability to have healthy human interactions. This is what happened to me. It was exhausting, hurtful, and sometimes debilitating, being a cog in a dysfunctional-go-round that never seemed to end.
But then, in the early summer months of 2014, something changed. As I was continuing to wade in the depths of the dysfunction of all my relationships and the people with whom I had come to know over the years, I was sent a lifeline. An old friendship became new again, and after a couple of years apart, he and I were both ready to have a more substantial relationship, utilizing all we’d learned during our separation. Yet, there was still so much more to learn, and so, we taught each other. What I was learning from him was simple yet impactful. It was a lesson I will never forget and a practice I was excited to incorporate going forward.
We seem to live in a world where no one wants to take responsibility for themselves, much less for other people. Everyone is saying and doing what they want, how they want, when they want, without thinking of the effects their words and actions have on others –– strangers and comrades alike. Everyone feels their opinions matter about everything and everyone, all the time, even though most of these opinions are designed to deplete the person or persons to whom they are aimed. People are taking and are very rarely giving.
So, with that in mind, and armed with a renewed understanding of love and friendship, I began taking stock of the people in my life and what their responsibilities were, and what they were depositing. Soon, my long list of acquaintances narrowed to a very short list of friends, all of whom have responsibilities that they took on themselves, not responsibilities I forced onto them. Everyone else was just there, taking what they could get, never giving.
There are no more disappointments, quarrels, or disagreements. I no longer feel like someone is bothering me or getting on my nerves. All of my conversations are important and feed my soul daily. This boost in my emotional health makes everything feel better, and I now look forward to all my personal interactions. I also look forward to my professional ones, knowing that when my workdays are over, I have a responsive, giving support system with which to discuss it all.
Take stock of your relationships. Take a closer look at the people in your life and if you can’t list at least one positive, uplifting, soul-building thing that person contributes to your life consistently, drop them. Block them from your phone, email, social media, and just walk away, and don’t worry –– they won’t miss you. As I often say, “Most people don’t want to be in your life; they just want to be in your business.”
Each person in your life must have a responsibility, and you must have a responsibility in theirs. Hold one another accountable and communicate, even in the hardest times. Be willing to make time for one another, no matter how difficult it may be. Let each other know that you matter and continue to build on that because beautiful relationships make for beautiful women.
