Your Girlfriend is Not Your Guru


Your girlfriends may be a great network of supporters, there for you whenever you need them, listening and doling out advice at will. Girlfriends are, for many women, the cornerstone of their sanity, and their go-to sounding board –– which can be extremely helpful, or a complete disaster.

Take Stock

The fact of the matter is that most women who are in emotional ruts, are surrounded by women who are also in emotional ruts. After all, if you were part of a circle of people who had their emotional shit together, in the first place, the chances of you landing into a rut would be slim to none. Ergo, one of the most crucial keys to getting yourself out of a rut, never to return, is to take stick of your friends (and family).

Righteous Judgement

We don't want to go around judging and condemning people, as if we are some sort of higher power. But, what we should do is apply righteous judgment to the people and circumstances in our lives. Take a look at your friends and be honest with yourself about them.

Are they living a life that you believe is healthy for them? Are they creating healthy goals and crushing them? Or, are they procrastinating and making excuses for all the reasons why they can't move forward in their personal lives and careers? Do they even have careers? Or are they just working a passionless job or continuing their education as a way to avoid full-time work?

Is your best girlfriend still with that loser who treats her like dirt? Is she still making excuses for him? Is she always complaining but never changing her circumstances, no matter how much guidance and support you offer? 

Better Discernment

Righteous judgment gives us the gift of better discernment, by allowing us to measure our friends against their best selves and not against ourselves. We are not to expect the people we love and care about to live their lives the way we would live ours, but we do want them to be the very best versions of themselves possible.

Girlfriend and/or Guru

So, with that being said, take a long, hard look at your friends and the lives they lead. Then, listen to the advice they give or don't give. Are they agreeing with everything you say just for agreement sake? Do they support your decisions even when they are terrible decisions that will only lead you to more grief, struggle, and strife? Do your friends give you sound advice and legitimate tools to deal with your everyday concerns?

Chances are, unless your girlfriend is a trained coach, clinician, or the like, she's not going to be able to give you the sort of support and tools you need to find your way when you get lost, or not get off track in the first place.

And what's the point of all this?

Look elsewhere. Seek the assistance of a coach and/or a clinician. Seek answers in self-help books, documentaries, online lectures, or in-person spiritual events and retreats. Come away from your own understanding and that of the closest people to you. Most of our issues and concerns are not helped by the people who taught or encouraged us to be as we are.

If you want something you've never had, you've got to do something you've never done.

Elisabeth Ovesen