This Single Shift Saved My Relationship
Every relationship has its trouble, and sometimes, that trouble can last a while or repeat itself over a number of years. Before you know it, you’re arguing about who forgot to put the lid on the peanut butter. And we all know that’s not the real issue.
Looking back on my own relationship, I can pinpoint where things went wrong during tough times and why. In retrospect, and in a solemn attempt to improve relations with my husband, I had to take a deeper look at myself and what I’d been doing wrong, and the answer was…
I can clearly remember the day I decided to let go of all the hurt and trauma that constantly created friction in my relationship –– almost all of it being trauma from way before my husband and I began dating. It was the day I saw a psychic for the first time, and received a tarot and palm reading that completely put me at ease. That day, my husband and I argued over the phone while I drove up to the psychic’s front gate. That was months ago, and he and I haven’t argued since.
What happened during my reading is that all my fears and doubts were met with positive reinforcements. I stopped being afraid of losing my husband. I stopped being worried about my son’s future. I stopped holding on to the anger, fear, and anxiety that caused me to pick at every little thing my partner did or didn’t do “right.”
From that day forward, I began loving him just the way he is, not the way I want him to be –– and I started taking better care of myself.
Looking back, I can see how much damage and trauma I brought into my relationship, how easily I was triggered, how much weight I put on my partner, how much I expected from him, wanting him to right the wrongs that came before him.
This isn’t about seeing a psychic.
What happened that day is that I truly let go of everything –– past, present, and even future. Here’s what I’ve had to remind myself:
What happened before, doesn’t matter.
What’s happening now, is what’s supposed to happen.
What will happen in the future is completely unknown.
People are who and how they are, an no amount of force will change that.
Most of our “upsetness” has little to do with the events, and more to with our inability to cope with the events.
Triggers are a sign of unhealed trauma.
Unhealed trauma is a sign that we have yet to let go of who and what has hurt us.
The path to personal happiness is rooted in letting go.
My healing practices
For me, the epiphany came after a a truly mind-blowing and accurate reading. For you, the epiphany may come from another sort of personal experience. But, what I know for sure is that truly and completely letting go is the most freeing thing I’ve ever done. For me, it was also helpful to:
Cut certain people out of my life (exes, fake friends, stagnant energies)
Connect with grounded individuals who add to my peace, happiness, and growth
Pay very special attention to myself, on purpose, with purpose (exercise, diet, massages, professional stretching, additional daily self care, challenges, affirmations)
Make a concerted effort to announce my triggers as they are happening
Take the time to discuss trigger moments with my partner as they are happening
Do everything with acceptance and love
Release my partner of expectations
Forgive myself for dealing with situations poorly in my relationship
Recommit to myself and my partner
Practice these practices daily
We’ve come a long way these past 3 years, and now, my husband and I are finally on the same page. So, in that regard, I guess you can say that by letting go of all that no longer matters, I am able to hold on to all that does.