The Beauty of Letting Go

Healthy living is gorgeous living and gorgeous living is unbothered, it is not encumbered or boggled down by the past nor does it hold on to things and people who no longer serve us. I often say, "A woman never loses her beauty, but she often gives it away." What this means is that each of us is beautiful in our own right and, as women, our external beauty tends to mean alot to us, especially as we get older and our bodies begin to change. We become more aware of lines in our faces, dry patches of skin, random gray hairs, and such. But even though these changes are all a part of getting older, some women are aging slower and better than others and not all of it is due to genetics––alot of it is based on choices.

Choosing Beauty:

When you finally make the decision to be beautiful for the rest of your life, the next question is, "Well, how do I do that?" For some people, the idea of beauty is concocted in a doctor's office and involves needles, scalpels, and lasers. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with a little help from science and technology to help us keep it all together but, before we go that far, there are simpler, cheaper, more easily accessible ways to remain gorgeous, which is why The Gorgeous Girl's Guide was born. As we say here at The G3"Beauty is a lifestyle, not a product."

A Beautiful Mind:

Even though many refuse to exercise, eat cleanly, drink lots of water, and get plenty of rest, we all know these practices have been proven to make people more productive, balanced, and beautiful. But, what many of us overlook is the pressure emotional and mental stress always puts on our bodies and the havoc it reeks on our looks. This is why it is imperative we keep our minds beautiful.

Learning how to control stress, limit our access the stressful situations, and avoid internal stressful dialogue and practices is crucial to a healthy life and a gorgeous look. A huge part of that is mastering the art of letting go and moving on and, now that we have just started a new year, this is the perfect time to get into the swing of this practice. Here's how I do it:

Selfishness:

First, you have to establish and be comfortable with the fact that you are the most important person in the world. Period. It's all about you. Just you. No one else but you. You. You. You.

Feels weird, doesn't it?

I know it does, just as I know we are surrounded by people who are just as important to us as ourselves, but here's the thing--if you're not at your happiest, how can you serve them properly? How can you be the best wife if you are stressed and unhappy? How will you be the best mom, the best boss or team member? How will you be the best anything you can be if you aren't okay? And this is why your first worry needs to always be yourself, so that when it's time to be concerned about those closest to you, you are prepared and able to be of service.

So, learn to be selfish or, as every airline says during their pre-flight safety instructions, "Put your oxygen mask on first, before helping the person next to you." Once you make yourself, your happiness, your life, your future top priority, cutting people, things, and events loose becomes simple. You have to only ask yourself, does this make me happy? If the answer is no,  then there are no more questions and only one other answer--walk away. A person who practices healthy selfishness also practices self-preservation and, just as in the wild, self-preservation is the key to survival in civilization.

Know Who and what is Important:

Plainly put, it's important to know who and what's important. We usually put too much stock into people, things, and events that either hold no real significance or have already served their purpose. In your healthy selfishness, ask yourself, do I (still) need this? Or, does this (still) serve me?  If the honest answer is, no, then walk away. If the answer is, I don't know, then the answer is still no and you should walk away. When something or someone is really for you, there will be no doubt, no questions, no confusion, no stress, no pressure. Life is only as hard as we make it and most people tend to make their lives very difficult by not knowing when to walk away. If your spirit isn't screaming, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" leave it alone. Put your oxygen mask on first and get the hell out of there!

The Mistake Myth:

So, you're human and shit happens and sometimes, when you look back at decisions you either made or didn't make, you wish you would have done things differently. Most people would call these lapses in judgement mistakes, but not me. See, there are no mistakes! Everything is going just according to plan and, though it may not be your plan, it is a plan of a higher order. I'm sorry to break it to you, but you're not in complete control of your fate. Some things can't be helped and if you believe in God, you know that everything will always work itself out for His good and yours.

If you are faithful, how can you also be regretful?  How can you regret what God has allowed? Why don't you trust His process? Yeah, sure, maybe it's not what He would have chosen for you, but nothing is a surprise to God. He's not sitting on His throne with a bag of popcorn, watching us like movies, shocked at the plot twists. He sees and knows all, and knew it before you even knew yourself. Your job is to see each obstacle as a test and to engage your faith even and especially if it feels as if you have failed, then use your experiences to increase your faith and help others

Everything has a purpose, even if you don't understand it, and that is why there are no mistakes. It's all on purpose, for a purpose. When you start seeing things this way, letting go of past hurts or grievances is easy and moving on becomes second nature.

In Conclusion:

I have become a pro at disconnecting, compartmentalizing, and moving on. I think I do it faster than most and I see how it bothers people in my life and even strangers who follow my life and trials via books and social media. I mean, people get legit angry at me because I don't sit around being butt hurt for too long. But here's the thing, life is either really short or very long and none of us knows how much longer we have in this life. And personally, I'm almost 40 and I don't know many women over the age of 35 who sit around wasting time. The more you understand and accept who you are, the more you understand the importance of selfishness and self-preservation, the more you realize tomorrow isn't promised, and the less time you take getting over things.

Life is life. The shit will always hit the fan, but let's not wallow in it and smear it all over our faces. Don't be afraid to burn bridges and use the flames to light your way onward. There are no shortages of people, places, or circumstances in the world and you can have whatever you want, just as you can throw away whatever you don't want! So, be selfish, put your oxygen mask on first, do only what makes you truly happy, and stop believing in mistakes because they don't exist for those who are faithful. Remove stress, pressure, and guilt from your life and watch your peace show up on your face.

For peace is at the core of all that is gorgeous.

New York Times best selling author, keynote speaker and workshop leader, founder of The Gorgeous Girl's Guide, Steffans Publishing Enterprises, and Karrine & Co.