self careKarrine Steffans

How to Ignore Your Miserable Ex

self careKarrine Steffans
How to Ignore Your Miserable Ex

You did it! After all the abuse, all the yelling, all the crying and bargaining with the man you thought you could spend the rest of your life with, you kicked him to the curb. If you're anything like me, you did it both literally and figuratively. You put that man out with nothing to his name but his name, which is already trash. So, it is only befitting that he be on the curb, next to the trash, with noting but the clothes on his back, waiting for a ride. This is the way you treat a man who, for the time he was with you, ruined your life, crushed your spirit, and left you wanting to die. What I know for sure is that a woman will never toss a man she loves just because. No woman would toss her husband into the street unless he had done something so awful, so hurtful, that she could no longer forgive him, love him, or support him. But that's not the story he will tell.

 

What He Will Say:

The funny thing about hurt feelings, is that the person who is still hurt tends to tell the story from the part where you stopped giving a shit about them. They will never tell the story from the part where they pushed you to that point. Then, they will bash you, not with facts that can be easily researched and found to be true, but with lies and pent up emotional bile. In a nutshell, your ex is going to talk major shit about you to anyone who will listen, months even years after the relationship has ended, and you my dear, will have to know how to handle it by not handling it at all.

What You Should Do:

A wise man once said nothing. This is the motto, but it is so much easier said than done. It is only natural to want to defend yourself when your ex is running around lying to everyone about you and your relationship, trying to save face. Your only job is to do nothing, say nothing, and ignore your ex's cry for your attention. The fact of the matter is that if he were as happy as he claims to be, if he had indeed moved on from your relationship and from the end of it, he wouldn't want to discuss you. If he were really content with his new girlfriend, his new family, his new life, he would never want to speak your name and give you any kind of energy, proving your importance and power in his life.

A hit dog will always holler, but that doesn't mean you need to acknowledge the wails of your injured ex. Let someone else rescue that mutt. Chances are, you have moved on with your life in a way that makes him want to pull you back down to his level. Maybe you are doing better in your career than he. Maybe you are dating someone he knows and he just can't stand it. Maybe he really expected you to lay down and die without him. Whatever the reason, this man wouldn't go to such lengths to bring you down if you weren't already above him. So, chill.

How to Do Nothing:

Arguing with a fool only proves there are two. There is a lot of something involved in doing nothing, let me tell you! It's not as easy as it sounds and I think most of us know that. We also know that not everything or everyone deserves a response, and I am sure there have been times you regretted responding to someone else's foolishness. But here's the thing: the best way to prove that person cares about you more than you will ever care about them, is to stay silent. Let that man run off at the mouth while you enjoy your new life with your newfound love and peace.

From my experience, the best way to keep yourself in check when your ex is busy trying to take get your attention, is to focus on all that is good in your life. Maybe it's a new relationship or a new job. Maybe it's a bevy of upcoming prospects that will change your life exponentially. Maybe you are moving, redecoration, or preparing to go on vacation. Whatever it is, focus on that because those are all the things your ex is trying to ruin for you. Allowing him to do so will only give him pleasure, and I know you don't want to do that!

What Will Happen:

Let your ex shoot all the poison darts he wants; you're immune to them. All he's proving is that he can't get over you and that the best thing he has is the memory of you. All he's doing is giving you the power he'd like others to believe you do not have. The more he talks about you, the more he proves that his new life is nothing without you, that his day isn't complete unless he gets a chance to speak your name. Let him have it.

What will happen when you focus on your life and all the love and peace you have found since tossing your ex, is that you will call more of the same into your life. While he is sitting in shit, still talking about you, lying and omitting his way through life, you will be silent, happy, focused, and prosperous. Remember, the energy you put out is the energy you get back and always remember, God sees and knows all. Do what you need to do to keep yourself happy and blessed, and let karma handle that hit dog.

New York Times best selling author, keynote speaker and workshop leader, founder of The Gorgeous Girl's Guide, Steffans Publishing Enterprises, and Karrine & Co.