It is rare to see people alone. When we are out in the world, it is most common to find people communing with others over a meal, a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or a brew. And those who aren't paired with someone else are usually either on their way to meet someone or just leaving someone. Some of the people we meet are walking their dogs or strolling with their baby, but very rarely do we see people just being. But, if we look through the gaggles of people depending on each other for comfort and security while out in the world, we will find the few who clamor for neither. These are the ones comfortable in their own skin. These are the ones who know they are not by themselves, but instead, with themselves, and how important it is to be so.
Learn to Love Where You Live:
When I was a child, my grandmother and mother would often warn us children that we needed to learn to love where we lived. What they meant is that we were not to revel in spending most of our time in other people's homes, or out playing with other children, more than we reveled in being at home, occupying ourselves.
As a child, I didn't understand what could possibly be wrong about wanting to be out and bout all day, cavorting with my cousins and our friends in the neighborhood. Other people's homes were so very different from ours, and I was always curious as to what went on behind their closed doors. Did they cook their food the same way we cooked ours? Did they listen to the same records we did? How did their furniture look? Were they living better than we were? Were their mothers nicer than mine? Did they laugh more?
I was fraught with curiosity as a kid, as I am now, but the meaning of "learn to love where you live" became less of a mystery to me, as I got older.
Naked and Afraid:
It seems as if no one can stay home, as if most people have failed to create a home base that invites them in to stay and heal –– alone. I find it true, more often than not, that the reason most people have not designed their homes and lives in such a way that makes it comfortable for them to be alone, is that they are deathly afraid of being left with themselves.
Many people are afraid to look at themselves in the mirror –– I mean really look! They are terrified of facing their imperfections and with the decision to either love or hate them. Most people are disturbed by the low vibrational thoughts in the heads, and dread being left alone with them –– the feelings of never being good enough, of being a failure, or the constant sadness generated by the longing for everything and everyone they have lost. Most people are afraid to be naked.
The Importance of Being with Yourself:
Change your mind and you will change your life. That means, you also have to change the way you speak to yourself about yourself, and the way you speak to the universe about it all. So, to start, I want you to say, each time you are physically alone, that you are not by yourself, you are with yourself.
This simple change in verbiage and mindset can alter the way you feel when taking time to enjoy and learn more about you. Instead of only being with yourself just because you can't find anyone to hang out with, schedule your alone time! Make it a point to be with yourself often, and use that time to relax your tired body and brain, or to rev up your lazy boy and brain. Use that time with yourself to make lists and plans, to research your goals, and make your intentions known.
Learn to love where you live!
And that doesn't just mean your house. Learn to love where you live in your mind and in your skin. Turn down invitations to go out or to have company, and instead, decide to spend that time acknowledging your hurts and finding ways to heal them. Read or listen to a good book, take an online course, watch documentaries on topics that interest you, or start planning that trip you've always wanted to take.
Love yourself enough to love being with yourself, and your need to find validation in the presence and opinions of others with dissipate. Remember, he who has the power to flatter you, also holds the power to shatter you. The more self-sufficient and self-soothing you are, the less reliant you become on others to make you feel validated.
New York Times bestselling author and founder of The Gorgeous Girl's Guide, Steffans Publishing Enterprises, and Karrine & Co.