Your complete health is multi-faceted and includes your physical and dietary health, which are probably the most obvious of health types, but what about your mental and emotional health? People tend to ignore these types just as much if not more than they ignore their physical and dietary health. But, it is imperative you realize and remember that everything is connected. There isn't one thing you do, say, think, or feel that is not directly connected to the other and all of it empties into the way you look.
So, in this post, I will focus on one major part of our emotional lives––our relationships.
Like most of you, I have been surrounded by disfunction all my life. Still, none of it ever felt strange because that disfunction has always been so normal, so functional. Now, when most people hear the word disfunction, they picture huge, sweeping waves of crazy behavior like that seen on reality shows and episodes of Jerry Springer or Maury. The truth is, however, that most disfunction is quiet; it is unassuming and clever.
The thing about disfunction is that you will not know it until you are met with functionality. Everything and everyone around you will seem so normal until the day it doesn't. In the interim, you will continue to have back and forth bickering with family members and friends or flat out squabbles with lovers and co-workers and each encounter will chip away at you, all the while. And then, one day, without even noticing, you would have had it.
It will seem to come out of nowhere but the fact of the matter is that over time, you have been falling apart, cracking, and chipping with each stressful encounter, each heated argument, or slight emotional disruption. Then, one day, there will be no more of you to give away and you will either implode of explode.
It happens everyday and it seems to happen quite suddenly, but in fact, the systematic breaking down of a person's soul and life energy happens over an elongated period of time. You will find yourself feeling more tired and looking it, too! There will be dark circles under your eyes or this dull, lifeless skin and hair and you will try your best to correct it with creams, lotions, and potions when in fact, that change has to come from within.
In the early summer months of 2014, something amazing happened to me. As I was continuing to wade in the depth of the disfunction of all my relationships and the people with which I had come to know over there years, I was sent a lifeline. An old relationship became new again and, after a couple years apart, he and I were both ready to have a more substantial relationship, utilizing all we'd learned during our separation. Yet, there was still so much more to learn and so, I forwarded the lessons I'd gathered through the years and he forwarded his. What happened over the next eight months was and has been amazing.
Everyone else in my life began to show themselves to me as not being and never having been good enough to be near me. I was having these individual epiphanies as my relationship with this very special man became stronger and more significant and nearly all my other relationships lost all their importance. What I was learning, though it eluded me for 35 years, was simple yet impactful––it was a lesson I will never forget and a practice I was excited to incorporate into this new chapter of my life. And here it is:
Everyone in your life must have a responsibility in your life and you in theirs.
But what does that mean?
We seem to live in a world where no one wants to take responsibility for themselves, much less for other people. Everyone is just saying and doing what they want, how they want, when they want, without thinking of the affects their words and actions have on other people––strangers and comrades, alike. Everyone feels their opinions matter about everything and everyone, all the time, even though most of these opinions are designed to deplete the person or persons at which they are aimed.
People are taking and are very rarely giving.
So, with that in mind, and armed with my new understanding of love and friendship, I began taking stock of the people in my life and what their responsibilities were, or what they were depositing into my life. Soon, my long list of acquaintances narrowed to a very short list of friends, all of whom have responsibilities in my life––responsibilities they took on themselves and not responsibilities I forced onto them. Everyone else was just there, taking what they could get, never giving.
How This Equates To Health and Beauty:
Energy is real. It is a force that initially goes unseen but will eventually show itself in your quality of life, which lends itself to your health, which eventually affects your beauty. Since I have deleted those who depleted, I've gotten prettier.
I no longer have to contend with that feeling you get when someone has sucked the life out of your or the oxygen out of the room with their negative or draining behavior. I stopped having that morning after feeling, waking up after hanging out with someone who wanted all my time and attention but never gave me whatever it was I needed in that moment. I no longer experience that other walk of shame––that slow walk to my car, shaking my head, thinking what just happened?
There are no more disappointments, quarrels, or disagreements. I no longer feel like someone is bothering me or getting on my nerves. All of my conversations are important and feed my soul, daily. My spirit feels lighter and better adjusted and this makes me happier and happiness looks good on me!
This boost in my emotional health makes everything feel better and I now look forward to all my personal interactions. I also look forward to my professional ones, knowing that when my work days are over, I have a responsive, giving support system with which to discuss it all. And it's not as if they weren't there before, but now, there is no one else––no noise, just beauty.
The Bottom Line is This:
Take stock of your relationships. Take a closer look at the people in your life and if you can't list at least one positive, uplifting, soul building thing that person contributes to your life on a consistent basis, drop them. Block them from your phone, email, social media, and just walk away and don't worry––they won't miss you. As I often say, "Some people don't want to be in your life; they just want to be in your business."
Each person in your life must have a responsibility and you must have a responsibility in theirs. You must hold one another accountable and be able to communicate, even through the hard times. You must be willing to make time for one another, no matter how difficult it may be to do so. Let one another know that you matter and continue to build on that.
Beautiful relationships make for beautiful women.