Hurry Up and Wait: Being Too Anxious for Life and Love

Dear Gorgeous,

I am 27 years old and I feel like I'm not living the life that I've been dreaming about and it's frustrating. I'm also in love with a man who wants to take things slowly and I just want to jump his bones, already! Both in life and in love, because these things aren't happening quickly enough for me, I sometimes turn to temporary remedies that could be detrimental to those things I want the most. What can I do while I wait?

-Impatient Patricia

Dear Impatient Patricia,

The Bible says, be anxious for nothing. This is a lesson my spiritual life coach tried to teach me for over ten years, yet, my anxiety persisted––that is, until December 2013. The reason why I can remember the date so specifically is because learning to accept what is has changed my life and it did so, instantly.

Here's What I Want You to Know:

  1. There is nothing you can do to change what is meant for you, when it's meant for you. Right now, I need you to resign to the fact that there is a plan for your life and everything that is meant for you has already been done. All you have to do now is open yourself up to receiving it.
  2. Anxiety, worry, and fear are signs of diminished faith. How can you receive something you don't believe you will get? Sure, you want it badly enough but if you truly believed the things you want in life and love are meant for you, you wouldn't be so worried about not getting them or not getting them soon enough. And here's the thing about faith––without it, you will never get what you want.
  3. Show God you trust Him. I may be presumptuous by assuming you believe there is a God but I believe the presumption is worth the message. There comes a time when you have to realize there is no more you can do and this is your time to realize that. Have you noticed that no matter how worried you are about getting what you want, you're still not getting what you want? There is a reason for that! So, why don't you try something different? Why not trust the process and show God you believe in His timing since it is, after all, the only timing that counts.
  4. Give up. All our lives we have been told to never give up and all our lives that has been bad advice. One of the most significant things we can learn to do is to give up––give up the fight, the struggle, the worries, doubts, and fears. Give up. Give it up. Give it up to God. Why are you trying so hard to control a life you didn't create? Today is the day to start stopping.
  5. Do your part and only your part. Create a focus for your life. Create a series of plans filled with things you can control. For instance, let's say you want to be healthier in the new year. Great! Get on a diet and exercise plan that works for you. Maybe you want to move into a higher position at your job. Awesome! Find out what it takes to get there and do what it takes to elevate your position. The only things you can control are the things you do and say on a daily basis. You can't make anything else happen and you surely can't make someone do or be what you want them to do or be.
  6. Work on yourself. Many times, we are asking for things we don't deserve. We ask for a "good man" when we have yet to become a "good woman". We are asking to be loved when we have yet to know the truest definition of love and then bestow it upon ourselves and others around us. And sometimes, we are asking for what we want and not for what we need. Having a man in your life who respects you enough to take his time with you is a blessing. Also, have you considered maybe he is taking his time because you're not yet worthy of what you're asking? Thank him for allowing you ample time to get yourself together. Thank him for allowing you to grow and change before holding you to a commitment for which you are not prepared. If things are not happening for you, it's because it's not your time! It means you have not prepared or studied for what you are asking!

Here's Your Homework:

Create a series of plans filled with long-term and short-term goals that range from today to five years from now. It sounds like a daunting task, so let me help you break it down.

  1. Purchase a lined notebook with atleast 365 blank sheets.
  2. On the first page, title it 2015 Goals. Here, you will write the things you want to accomplish by the end of the year. Don't worry if you can only think of only a few things right now; there will be plenty of time and space to add more as you go.
  3. On the second page, title it Five Year Plan. Here, you will write the things you wish to have accomplished in the next five years. This list will include the things all the big things you want to accomplish by 2020. Again, don't worry if you can only think of a few things right this minute; you'll have plenty of time to add more goals as you go along.
  4. On the third page, title it Things To Do on the first line and then, write tomorrow's date on the next. On this page, you will make a list of al the things you need to do tomorrow and maybe the times you need to do them. Atleast three items on your daily list should move you closer to your yearly goals.
  5. When tomorrow comes, go down your list, crossing items off as you accomplish them. At the end of the day, if there is anything you have not accomplished, place it on the top of the list for the next day.
  6. At the end of every day, you will prepare a list for the next.

Here's What Will Happen:

Over the course of the year, you will hold yourself accountable for all the things you need to do in order to focus and work on yourself and your future, accomplishing small, daily goals along the way.

With three daily goals assisting in accomplishing your larger yearly goals, before you know it, those yearly goals will also get accomplished, and you can cross them off the yearly list, one-by-one.

At the end of the year, take a look at your Five Year Plan and gage how close you are to accomplishing those bigger goals. If you managed to accomplish one or two of them, great! Scratch them off the list!

You will make one of these notebooks every year and never throw your old notebooks away. You'll need to look at them to remind yourself how much you have accomplished on days when you feel nothing is happening or things aren't happening quickly enough for you.

In Conclusion:

When you do the work, you will begin to earn the things, positions, and relationships you desire. Controlling the focus on your betterment will keep you from being anxious for things outside your control. In life and in love, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who is anxious for nothing, a woman who is so okay with herself that it doesn't matter what happens around her because inside, there is peace.

Community Question:

Do you struggle with anxiety about your life and love circumstances? Have you been rushing into a life for which you haven't prepared or studied? Let us know if you have struggled with this, just like Impatient Patricia. Let us know if this advice has helped you and if there is any other wisdom you have learned about this topic through your personal trials.

New York Times best selling author, keynote speaker and workshop leader, founder of The Gorgeous Girl's Guide, Steffans Publishing Enterprises, and Karrine & Co.